It’s been roughly two months since breakup #1 (read it here). Things between us I would say were normal for about a month and then it took a slight turn in July. I noticed things here and there, and began to notice some more distancing. However, it was summer and we both had our own things going on, plus he liked to golf a lot with friends and I thought okay – he’s not going to golf all year long. The on a weekday in late July, Dick (that’s the name he’s going by in these stories) had come over to my place to hang out, watch some Netflix and drink some wine – just straight chill and avoid the humidity.
That night nothing more happened, not that every night would lead to an extra little something, but when Dick left my apartment I sensed something, I sensed it – he was up to something. And when a man is up to something, it probably involves something involving another woman. I sensed that something was off; I felt it in the goodbye. Then maybe a few minutes after he walked out of my apartment, I sat down on my couch absorbing and reflecting on the energy that Dick had left in my apartment, it felt cold and absent.
Not feeling too confident in our relationship at that point and feeling suspicious, I hopped onto Bumble reactivating my account. Bumble is the dating app that we met off of, and I was on a few other dating apps and never saw him on any of them – so Bumble is what I focused on. Being that Dick only lives two blocks away from me, I simply narrowed down the distance in my settings to under a mile, and sure enough it took a few swipes to the left and whala, there he was. At that point my heart felt heavy and beat fast.
Dick and I never discussed going off of the dating apps, I just did it on my own as time went on in our relationship. I was discouraged to bring it up because it is a bit awkward and should it be necessary? That’s a yes. Anyway I knew straight that he was on the while we were together because I noticed a new picture that wasn’t there before – that’s cool bruh.
To give a bit of background knowledge into our relationship to give emphasis on how I felt in our relationship at the time, Dick would call me ‘Babe’, and always say good night and use kissy emojis. Over time those signs of affections started to wane. I didn’t quite miss the kissy emojis, but the when I noticed the use of ‘babe’ and ‘good night’ go down significantly and a short bit of time disappearing, this added as a clear indication that something was up. So that night when I stumbled upon his profile, I quickly de-activated my profile, to not run the chance of being seen by him, because that would ruin the next phase of my never very clearly thought up plan.
From there I didn’t even think about anything else. I used my second Facebook to create a new profile on Bumble. I used pictures of my friend who lives in New York, cropping myself out. Dick isn’t much of a social media obsessed guy, so we never got further than following each other on Instagram and Snapchat, and he hadn’t yet met my friend. For the bio I wrote, “New queen bee in town. From bk” and I put as her job description, insurance. I knew that if he was swiping that my girl for sure would get a right swipe, as I tied in things that they would have in common. Insurance, check. BK aka Brooklyn, check.
Narrowed my search down to under a mile, and with a few swipes I swiped right on Dick. All I had to do was wait, which wasn’t very long. When I woke up the next morning, Dick was a match. If you’re not familiar with Bumble, the lady has to message the man within 24 hours of matching or the match expires. Because of this there’s a count down from the time of the match, which indicated that the match happened at some point in the night. Waking up to that, I of course felt sick, I was spinning practically; chest heavy kind of thing where breathing was hard.
On my way to work, I thought of what I should say. At eleven I took a walk to grab some coffee and to send this message, “Hey Dick! What are you looking for?” I just wanted to get straight to the point. Minutes later a reply, “Hey! Just looking for someone I like”, “BK as in Brooklyn?” Someone you like?! WTF. You’re probably reading this thinking, “why did you get back together with this guy?! Dumb girl.” Yep, I’m thinking that too right now too. By writing this down I’m reliving it in a sense, and I’m so unbelievable warped right now.
At that point of receiving a response from him I was so shaky, my heart was in my stomach, and I couldn’t breathe or digest what was happening. I shouldn’t have gone back to my desk so fast, I should of walked around the block or something. Because what I should of and needed to have done next was say back something like, “Haha no silly. What are you looking for, not who.” or “I meant are you looking for something casual or something more.” I guess though interpreting his reply back now, I don’t even know. But anyway, I couldn’t hold back from the temptation of responding as myself letting him know I know. I was just so hurt at that point I didn’t want to play a full blown catfish game. I wish I did though and set up a meeting and totally caught him in the act face-to face to see his reaction. But instead I sent him a screenshot of “their” conversation.
Dick immediately responded to my screenshot, saying things like he was sorry, that he only started going on there but wasn’t being serious on there, and that the reason he was on there was because he needed reassurance that people liked him. Can you say, boy bye? I thought that was so weird and settled on the fact that he had insecurity issues. Even though that was my attitude, I still expected to see him on my door step with flowers. But those were just in my dreams.
Two months after all this with no contact I ran into Dick on the street. It was an odd feeling, I had practically already moved on and shockingly he went in for a hug. Later on he came by so we could talk and put things out into the air. I’m not entirely sure how things got back to a relationship from there, but eventually it did again – same way starting off slow. *Rolls my eyes* I remember asking why he never reached out, and he said he wanted to give me my space, which I appreciate but also if you seriously love someone – you don’t give them all the space in the world. This is it for breakup #2, I’m so annoyed right now writing this down and reliving it, but I thought it was important for me to do so to catalog what happened, and be able to learn from my mistakes.