Dating & Relationships

When to Define the Relationship

Have you defined your relationship (DTR)? Bringing up the DTR talk isn’t the easiest thing in the world. We can all agree that rejection doesn’t feel great, and this is one of the main reasons many of us avoid having the DTR conversation all together. However, DTR’ing is the responsibility of both people in the relationship and is best never being avoided.

In my last relationship, we never had a clear DTR talk. We just glided into dating and into using the boyfriend/girlfriend. At the time I was pretty happy with this because the pieces just came together magically with no slightly awkward “is this what you want too?” conversation. But there was a point in time where I questioned our relationship status and for weeks thought that he could be seeing other woman. Eventually, this lead to a conversation of, “What did I do that you’re mad at me?”

When I’ve talked about my relationships with friends they sometimes ask me, “Have you two talked about what you’re both are looking for?” and my answer is always no. It’s the kind of conversation that rarely comes up naturally and there’s never necessarily a known time to bring it up. So, being back in the dating pool and thinking about what it is that I want in a relationship, I stumbled on the question of how I am going to DTR from now on. The question of whether to DTR or not, is a straight and clear yes.

If you’re looking for a relationship, yes you must and should definitely DTR. If you’re just looking for something more casual, you should still be clear with the person you’re seeing so that they have clear expectations as well. After thinking about all the different scenarios, I have determined that the best and easiest way to DTR is to do it ASAP. Especially in the online mobile app dating world, being up front with the people that you’re talking to from the get-go will save you from wasting your time and also give you mental clarity.

I’m curious if people are actually having the DTR conversation and how. Let me know in the comments.

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